I Love Dark Chocolate, But I Prefer a Sweet Life

My husband just posted this quote on his Facebook page:

"Having faith in G-d means having faith in other people, and the measure of our righteousness lies in how many people we value, not in how many we condemn." Rabbi Sachs, Great Britain

I'll discuss faith in God in another post. Right now, I'd like to take a look at the end of the quote, 'how many people we value, not in how many we condemn.'

It's sort of a 'do you view the cup as half-empty, or half-full' type of thing, and I think
it's a good measure of a person's character, and a guideline for each of us to use as a springboard for self-evaluation.

Lately, I've been coming across articles, letters, and editorials in all sorts of forums and publications that talk about how good manners, graciousness, and respect seem be falling by the wayside. Some say it's a symptom of the failing economy, others attribute it to a lack of parenting skills, and others say it's yet another result of the 'me generation.'

People complain about fellow travelers who cut in line, throw tantrums when their demands and/or expectations aren't met, and who generally behave as if they are the only ones who matter at any moment.

I've read of incidents involving a shameless lack of respect and compassion for the very young, for the elderly, and for the infirm.

Personally, I've noticed an alarming rise in people on eBay who accompany unreasonable demands with threats of leaving bad feedback, or of filing falsified claims of bad or deceptive services to the eBay 'authorities.'

I shake my head at all of these, and wonder is it that people don't want to get along, or is it that they don' t know how to?

We've all interacted with people who seem bitter with the world, who just seem to be brimming with anger. Many years ago, I had a small blow up at a friend, and when I had finished my little tantrum, he calmly asked me, 'so, do you feel better now?'

Over the years, his words have often echoed in my head, and I used to work at moving to the 'feel better now' stage without needing to throw the tantrum first. But, a couple of years ago, I decided that I wanted to get to a place in life where I didn't need the anger at all.

It seemed like an impossible goal, but it turned out to be easier than I ever imagined.

For brevity's sake, I'll jot down a short list of how I maintain a state of calmness, happiness, and acceptance:

• I meditate daily, at least once a day, but if I feel under stress, I'll add another round or two. I've found that even just a few minutes of meditation is often all I need.
• I tell myself to smile! I walk around with a smile on my face (and in my heart), and a bounce to my step.
• I avoid people who have 'negative energy'- people who are always complaining, who can't or won't find a positive spin to a situation, or to life itself.
• I never hesitate to lend a helping hand, a kind word, or a hug of support.
  
• If I find myself in a difficult situation, I take a deep breath, brush off all negative thoughts, and then leap in to the challenge.

As I mentioned in a previous post, besides opening my eyes each morning with smiling expectations, I've experienced impressive improvements in my health, not only in my blood pressure, but also in every recent lab test.

I feel a sense of pity for people who can't shake off their anger and bitterness. I know men in their 60's who seem to revel in feelings of anger toward their parents. When I tried talking to them about it, asking them why at their age they didn't want to work through their feelings, they looked at me in confusion. They seemed to identify so strongly with that anger that they couldn't imagine separating from it.

I wonder: Are people who hold onto such intense anger toward another person expressing a sense of self anger? If you haven't found peace with yourself, can you feel peacefully toward another? (Yes- it seems like such 'psycho-pop', especially if that anger is being directed toward a parent. And if you groaned at that, just wait until you read my next paragraph..)

Taking a leap, and reflecting again on what I talked about in my 'Quest, and the Game of Life' post-

If on a personal level, we can't find peace within ourselves...if we can't show love and respect and compassion to others...if we approach life as a competition we have to win... then what chance is there for peace in the world?

Getting back to the quote from Rabbi Sachs, wouldn't it be lovely if we chose to speak highly of others, rather than to disparage them? When I was little, our rabbi's wife literally never had an unkind word about anyone. She could be talking about an extremely physically unattractive person, but by the way she described them, you would think they were a beauty queen. I had to grow up a bit to realize that she was talking about inner beauty, but I know that even at a young age I was in awe of the respect she showed for others. I'm still in awe of her, and every year, I strive harder to model even a small part of myself after her.

As my husband and daughter-in-law (and now myself) like to say, it's easy to be nice. And it makes a world of difference

Year End Wrap Up, part one

For as long as I can remember, I've had a birthday ritual: I miss a night or two of sleep before my birthday, and even when I tell myself that I'm not mulling over the past year, mull is precisely what I do.

I'm lucky in that I don't usually find myself lost in regrets. Don't get me wrong- I don't necessarily spend those sleepless nights patting myself on the back, either. I simply let my mind wander over events and emotions of the year, reflecting and smiling, wondering a bit wistfully, and dreaming of the year ahead.

Whether it's because I'm getting older, or because of the recent significant changes in my lifestyle, this year, instead of a sleepless pre-birthday night, I went to sleep early and slept soundly through the night.

So, the reflective birthday post I expected to write went out the window when I woke up refreshed. That was almost a month ago, and I think I kept waiting for some sort of delayed night of ruminations. Well, it never came, and while I've done some looking back and reflecting, I guess the bottom line is that I'm truly happy and well-adjusted, and enjoying life too much to take time out for serious ruminating.

Heck, I'm not complaining! Although, I have to admit that there are times that this pervasive and all-encompassing state of contentment I find myself in does make me feel a bit odd. But, those times only last a brief moment or two, because, well- I'm happy.

Maybe it has something to do with getting older, after all. A while ago I read an article that stated that as people age, they have a greater sense of peace and calm in their lives. While my closest friends may laughingly argue that 'calm' is a word they would never associate with me, I know that my core inner self is definitely engaged in calmness and contentment.

(You can find the article on aging and calmness here.)

I'm going to title this post, 'Year End Wrap Up, part one,' although considering how long it's taken me to finally write it, maybe I should have included it in the procrastination series I've been writing. In the next post or two, I'll write a brief wrap up of places I've traveled this year, and maybe, instead of a 'mulling' post, I'll dedicate one to plans, dreams, and hopes for the year ahead.

We're Only Human

A friend I haven’t spoken to in a long while called today. She’s giving serious thought to having bariatric surgery.

I was surprised, as I usually am, when someone I know tells me they are considering having surgery for weight loss. I know a few people who have either had surgery, or have been ‘banded’. Most of them are still struggling with their weight.

I’ve had an on and off relationship with weight loss for most of my life, and my closet, as one of my friends likes to joke, used to have several different size clothes, to accommodate my weight surges and losses. Nowadays, there’s only one size of clothes in my closet and drawers. Not because I’ve mastered the battle of the bulge, but because I’ve adjusted my attitude and don’t fret anymore about my weight. As one of my cousins says, “This year I’m thin, maybe next year I’ll be heavy. But I’ll always be happy with myself.”

Some might say that’s not the healthiest attitude, but I think it’s great. I’m not a proponent of overweight (I’m appalled every time I’m in the States at the level and acceptance of obesity), but I’m very troubled when I hear my friends saying, as my friend did today, that once they lose weight they will be happy.

I talked with her awhile, questioning why she felt that losing weight was the key to being happy. She hemmed and hawed, and said she just knew, and that she hadn’t been sleeping well because of it. I’ve known her for a few years, and she’s always seemed to be one of those people who are perpetually depressed. I asked her if she had considered taking an antidepressant; that I have some friends whose lives have been improved by taking them. She said no, she was convinced that losing weight was what she needed.

She said that she admired my happiness, but that it was something she could not achieve. I referred her to my first blog entry, where I discuss why I titled my blog ‘A Gleeful Life’. I told her that ever since the epiphanal moment that I describe in that entry, my friends have commented how I seem much more relaxed, less frantic, and happy.

After we hung up, I reflected on our conversation for quite a while. I kept wanting to feel badly that she felt her path to happiness lay under a surgeon’s knife, but I realized that while I felt a tinge of sadness, it was mingled with well wishes that she find happiness and health by any means that she felt necessary.

Maybe one day I’ll find a need to consider similar surgery, but until then I’ll be wondering if we should be concerned when people turn to surgery – be it bariatric or plastic- as a path to happiness. I wish life were as simple as getting up in the morning, stretching and exercising, and instinctively reaching for a bowl of granola. But I know that it’s not that simple for everyone, and I’m fine with that. We’re only human, after all, and we each have our own paths, burdens, and roads to travel. As long as we accept each other, and strive to help each other however we can, I’m content.

My husband has two favorite quotes which I love:

“If we spent less time trying to make this world a better place to live in,
and more time trying to make ourselves better persons to live with,
the world would be a better place to live in.”

“Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it.”

Hear, hear.

Applause. Smile.