The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Yikes!  I didn't realize how much time had passed since my last posting!  

It's not that I haven't had anything to write about.  There's actually been times when I sat down to write- I just never actually started typing.  I've got little scraps of paper all over the place, with long and short jottings of ideas for blog entries, and even some with experiences I absolutely, positively wanted to write about right away.

So I guess it's sort of ironic that when I finally pushed myself to sit down to write, the topic turns out to be 'waiting'.

We wait for so many things in life-  for a lover to call, for a child to be born, for school years to end.  We wait for smiles to start and tears to dry, for the weather to clear or for a storm to start. 

Some just simply wait for time to pass.

It's all well and good to say that we shouldn't consume our lives with waiting; that it's up to us to make things happen.   But, sometimes we aren't in control of events, and our only recourse is to wait.  We can fool ourselves by finding all sorts of things to keep us busy so that we don't seem to be, or don't feel, that we're on edge waiting for that phone call, email, or test result- but that's all just camouflage.   Waiting is hard; it's painful; it's frustrating.

I have a mantra that I use when the things I try to ease the stress of waiting don't work.  I take a deep breath, and say:

"I am patience."

Sometimes I have to repeat it several times, but eventually it helps me clear my head and push aside my frustration, and move on- at least for a little while.

Sometimes you know that the wait will be short.  Today, for example, I had to wait a bit for the roads to be reopened after the US Vice President passed by.  As I sat in traffic, I wondered if he realized how many people his entourage was inconveniencing (that was after I asked why the heck he had to travel via a major highway instead of helicopter!), but I knew I'd soon be on my way.

I've learned  ways to amuse myself while waiting on line at the post office, the bank, and the supermarket.  That waiting is always fun here, as Israelis aren't known for their patience.  I've enriched my Hebrew vocabulary in all sorts of interesting ways while waiting on those lines :-)

I have a friend who had to wait 2 weeks for the results of a biopsy.  I don't know how she made it through that wait.  I asked her about it, and she said that it wasn't easy, but she had no choice, so she managed somehow.

Unrequited waits can be tough.  We wait for our weekly Friday morning phone call from our son, and we're on edge until his call comes through.  If he misses that call, or if we don't get to speak to our grandchildren on the following Sunday, life just doesn't seem as bright.  But we pull ourselves together, and get on with our week (hmm...or should I say 'camouflage')..

I'm stuck in the midst of a very frustrating waiting game right now.  Two weeks ago, as I was putting lotion on my neck, I felt a lump in my throat.  I was able to see my doctor the next day, and he sent me for an ultrasound which confirmed the presence of the lump.  My doctor says the next step is surgery, but when he called to make an appointment with the surgeon he insisted was the best, he was told that he was out of the country for a conference, and wasn't scheduled to return for over a week.

So, I waited.  The day he returned to Israel, the surgeon's office called to set up an appointment. But the earliest they could squeeze me in isn't for another 2 weeks, so I'm waiting again.  Then, once I see him, I'll have to wait for an open date for the surgery.  And, of course, once I have the surgery, there will be that other waiting.... 

'I am patience.'

Hey- Who's the Artist Here?

(Another entry in the 'Procrastination Series')

It seems that my tendancy to procrastinate kicks into highest gear when I have the most to get done - but I guess that's what procrastination is all about.

Take the last few days, for example: I'm leaving next week on a 2-month trip to all sorts of climates, so needless to say, I've got a ton of organizing, packing, phone calls, and emails to do. And I really need to make some changes to my website before I head out. On top of that, I have a request to paint a challah board (that's a bread board that's used on the Sabbath) as a gift for wedding celebrations I'll be attending in the States. So what do I actually wind up doing? Thinking about writing a blog post or two- which I also put off doing, because I had so many other things to get done!
(OK, I did take care of a lot of phone calls, emails, and assorted other things. But I still haven't started packing, and, as you'll read in a moment, I just started the painting.)

[BTW- have I previously posted the story about how, in Painting I, I did an entire semester's worth of paintings in the last 36 hours of the term? (And that I got an 'A' in the course because the professor loved how, looking at the paintings, he 'could clearly see the progression of my work during the course of the semester'?!]

As I mentioned, I finally started the painting. I really didn't have a choice- it has to be all finished and sealed by Sunday afternoon, in order for it dry in time for me to pack in my suitcase. On a list of priorities (I'm really good at making lists), it clearly was number one.

I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to paint, and how it would look. I ran the idea by my husband last night, and he said, "You can't do that- it won't work. You need to do _____".

That almost caused a crisis, because I knew, I really knew that I didn't want to paint what he was suggesting, even though I understood it might be what the happy couple I was painting it for would prefer.

I tossed and turned over it last night, and could feel another serious round of procratination facing me when I woke up this morning. Suddenly I found a bunch of pressing things that absolutely had to get done right away. I was doing anything I could to delay entering my studio.

Then, over breakfast (of course I had to have a big breakfast to fortify myself for the 'battle' I was going to face when I picked up my paintbrush- hmm, now that I think about it, I think I eat my best meals when I'm in the midst of procratinating..), I just couldn't take it anymore, and I said (to myself, as my husband was at work):

"Hey- who's the artist here?!"

Suddenly, with those words, the procrastination cloud lifted. I finished my breakfast, but it was now a 'working breakfast', because as I chewed, colors and paintbrushes and finishes filled my head. It wasn't long before I was up in the studio, applying the first glazes to the board.

Once those clouds lifted, they really cleared away, because here I am, writing while the glaze dries, and before I started typing away, I made some notes on the changes I want to make to my website.

Now, I just need to tear myself away from the computer, and get back up to the studio....

Why the 'Procrastination Series'?

The idea for a series on procrastination evolved last November, during my latest visit to my son and his family. Every evening, my granddaughter Temimah kept finding one excuse after another to delay doing her homework. It became a running joke with us, and one evening I taught her the word 'procrastination'. She enjoyed having a name for her delays, and another level of fun was added to her daily ritual.

In the weeks since that trip, I've found myself putting off tasks and chores, and each time I thought of Temimah and chuckled. Memories of my own procrastinations filled my head, and I started thinking they might make for a pleasant blog post. Then the war in Gaza broke out, and my thoughts were filled with 'What ifs', and I realized that my ruminations about procrastination were unexpectedly filled with hopes and dreams and political sighs.

I'm not sure how many posts there will be in this series, but I can promise that there will be a mix ranging from fond memories to serious political and religious discussions, all themed to procrastination. It's something that's been bubbling inside me even before my fun with Temimah, but it wasn't until last night's wedding (see my post from earlier today) that I was finally ready to stop procrastinating and start writing.

As I write these entries, I'd love to hear your own procrastination experiences. Are you the type who never puts things off? Or do you wait until beyond the last minute to get things done?

Oh, What a Night!

What better way to start off my 'Procrastination series' than writing about a wedding?!

Last night we went to a wedding of two '40-somethings'. It was the first wedding for both the bride and groom, and the glee (and relief) from both sides was fun and contagious.

It started off a bit ominously- the groom is the part time rabbi for our synagogue, and on Friday he sent word that he was ill and wouldn't be able to attend services that night. Needless to say there was a lot of speculating going on at dinner tables that night, but on Saturday he showed up, looking a bit frail and pale as a ghost but happy as any groom should be.

The ceremony was a delight, as rabbi after rabbi joked under the wedding canopy, all of them openly reveling in the moment in ways I don't ever remember at a wedding. It turned out that was just a preview of the evening's fun.

As I mentioned, the groom is the part time rabbi for our synagogue. His first love is musical theater, and he showed off his talent both under the chuppah, and later in the evening when he treated us to a couple of songs. He brought life to the saying, 'the show must go on', because even though he was clearly feeling weak, he sang in full voice and ceded to the calls for an encore, even while pleading that his throat hurt and it would be best if he rested. A true showman. Of course, we all guessed what his encore song would be, and we were right- 'The Impossible Dream' from Man of La Mancha.

But the best part of the evening was when the fathers of the happy couple stood up to speak, first the bride's father and then the groom's. The father of the bride devoted most of his speech to plugging the upcoming show the groom is producing and starring in. He told us that he had a stack of playbills available at his table, and I was waiting for him to offer discount tickets to anyone who attended the wedding (alas, he didn't).

The groom's father was hilarious. My husband felt he must have had a few drinks before getting up at the podium, and who could blame him? He certainly turned out to be the funniest accountant I've ever encountered!

He started out by telling us how important it is to not pressure your children, not be a pain. He went on to describe how it turns out there are many ways to drop subtle hints, and that he had mastered several of them over the years. For example, each year he filled out his son's tax returns. And year after year, he pointed out to his son that for yet another year he was not filing a joint return. (Trust me, he had us rolling on the floor- guess that's where his son got his acting talent!)

Next he talked about meeting his future daughter-in-law for the first time. Turning to the bride, he said that at that point he would have kissed the feet of whoever his son brought in the door! (Then, of course, he continued by lovingly telling us how much he adored the bride and that even though anyone would have been good enough, she was perfect.)

The point is that the bride and groom (and their families) never gave up on finding love. They kept dating and searching for someone to share their life with, someone to fall in love with, convinced that while love was taking it's time, it would find them in the end.

As we were driving to the wedding, my husband told me that he had learned that morning of a woman in her 50's who had just gotten engaged for the first time.

Some dreams take longer than we hoped. But if we pursue them, if we stay convinced that they are obtainable, then one day they just might come true.

That's the theme of my procrastination series. Stay tuned for the next installment :-)

Prologue to Procrastination

If it's a 'prologue to procrastination' then I guess it's OK if I put off writing it a bit longer :-)

Consider this a temporary posting, just letting you know that I'm still here and getting ready to write again. Soon. Really. Any day now.
Maybe even tomorrow.